"So, Britney Spears is no longer engaged to that dude she was engaged to, and obviously the only logical response is the one People chose, which is to lament the end of Britney’s “fairy tale.” Because all weddings are fairy tales, and literally any man a woman can be engaged to has got to be Prince Charming?


I bet Britney Spears is really sad that she’s not getting married, but I’m also not going to assume that she might not also be a little bit relieved. It sounds like that guy was not a particularly good match for her. Sounds like they made the right decision here. What’s sadder than a broken engagement? A divorce. What’s sadder than a divorce? Staying in a bad marriage until you die.”

I don’t generally bring up my stance on having kids unless I’m asked directly. I make an extra effort to inquire about other people’s kids, partly because I want to be a good ambassador for child-free folks in establishing that we’re not all hateful goblins gleefully plotting the extinction of the human race, and partly because my friends are funny and they have funny kids and I like hearing about the weird-ass, adorable, and/or terrible things they do. For all my aversion to and disinterest in parenting, I still see the appeal. I watch my friends with their kids, and notice how happy they are, and I think, “I totally get why people are into this.” And while I know we’re on the same page now, I occasionally worry about Patrick changing his mind. Because he’s human. And because for all that barfing and shitting all over the place that kids seem to be so very fond of, most of them grow out of it. They play baseball and tell crazy stories with their stuffed animals. They’re people you can someday teach to play the guitar and love 19th-century feminist literature. But the truth is, I’m a little bit scared of kids. I haven’t hung out with them much (I’m an only child, so is Patrick) and when I do, results are mixed. They frequently cry at me. Or run away. Or look at me like I’m the world’s biggest asshole for asking about their dinosaur toys. Obviously, they can sense fear. I prefer to keep company with people who at least barf at predictable post-tequila intervals.
And lo, the Lord did create the men and women who populated the earth. The manifold men did go to the office and get good jobs in middle management and take the trash out on Thursdays while lady helpmates did joyously stay home and wear aprons and make dinner and vacuum and mop and scrub the toilets and make the beds and raise the children and dust the bookshelves and manage the home accounts and do the grocery shopping and mend the clothing and take the children to appointments and preside over the laundry apparatus, which the Lord, in all his wisdom, saw fit to make too difficult for men to comprehend.
This was called the division of labor, and behold, it was fucked up.

And lo, the Lord did create the men and women who populated the earth. The manifold men did go to the office and get good jobs in middle management and take the trash out on Thursdays while lady helpmates did joyously stay home and wear aprons and make dinner and vacuum and mop and scrub the toilets and make the beds and raise the children and dust the bookshelves and manage the home accounts and do the grocery shopping and mend the clothing and take the children to appointments and preside over the laundry apparatus, which the Lord, in all his wisdom, saw fit to make too difficult for men to comprehend.

This was called the division of labor, and behold, it was fucked up.