Posts tagged Oscars

ONE DRINK

• Every time an award winner thanks God.
• Each time the camera pans to Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.
• Each time an award winner says “I didn’t expect to win” and then pulls out a prepared speech.
• For each joke referencing the 2012 election.
• For every dead celebrity in the dead celebrity montage you’ve never heard of.
• For every awkward joke making fun of the French, Jean Dujardin or “The Artist.”
• Every time an Oscar nominee is accidentally caught giving the Oscar winner in their category side-eye.
• Any time an award winner forgets to thank their famous spouse.
• When an award winner tells their kids watching at home to “go to sleep now.”
• Any time an award winner is cut off by the orchestra mid-speech.

ONE SHOT

• Every time someone trips on her dress.
• For all jokey references to Uggie the dog winning Best Actor.
• For any reference by Billy Crystal to Ricky Gervais’s terrible hosting.
• For any reference by Billy Crystal to James Franco and/or weed.
• For any vaguely political acceptance speech. Take another shot (preferably of south-of-the-border produced tequila) if it expressly references Rick Santorum.
• For any reference to “Hollywood magic,” especially during any special effects awards presentations For any other typical self-aggrandizing Hollywood cliches, including but not limited to “magic makers,” “we make children laugh,” etc., etc.

SHOTGUN AN ENTIRE BEER

• If “The Help” wins Best Picture.

(Source: thefrisky.com)