Posts tagged Kink
Posts tagged Kink
“Lifestyle” is a coded word for “choice,” as in “Liberace was just choosing to be gay!” Nobody chooses to be gay. Nobody chooses to be kinky. These things are innate, subject to the whims of chance. Dare I say it? We are born this way. A lot of kinksters (and a lot of gay folks) will tell you that they had curious inklings and arousals in childhood. Even if they could not conceptualize these curiosities as a sexual interest, they knew they were intrigued by tying people up or they knew they were attracted to boys more than girls. That’s quite different from the person who dabbles in outre behavior by choice — the ”straight” person can choose to engage in homosexual behavior and a “vanilla” person can choose to engage in kinky behavior and then go back and live their lives perfectly happy without doing it again. Not so for those of us whose sexuality is an orientation. I don’t consider my kinkiness a “lifestyle,” because it isn’t something that I can set aside without being unfulfilled and unhappy. It’s been my sexuality since I was a child, only revealing itself with more maturity into adulthood. Kinky is my sexual orientation, regardless of what anyone else thinks. (via The Soapbox: BDSM Is Not “Consensual Domestic Violence”)
“She’s still naughty in sexual ways. I mean this is not exactly an Angel of Mercy.” (via Angelina Jolie “Still Naughty,” Brad Pitt Brags)
The plum gig as the screenwriter for the film adaptation of Fifty Shades Of Grey goes to … Kelly Marcel, who penned the forthcoming “Mary Poppins”-themed script, “Saving Mr. Banks.” (via “50 Shades” Screenplay To Be Penned By Female Screenwriter, Kelly Marcel - The Frisky)
Free will is very much present in submissive sex, which, let’s not forget, is acting out a fantasy. In fact, if it is done right, the very act of negotiating a dominant/submissive play session is a choice and is about as far from abuse as possible. Longtime partners and kinkier BDSM folks may play with total, I-place-myself-completely-in-your-hands submission (The Story of O comes to mind), but for the rest of us this “surrender” is beautifully negotiated, even planned. That is because most partners — the responsible ones — approach each other as equals. Equal dignity, equal respect, equal attempts at pleasure. Dominance and submission does not mean some animals are more equal than others. Sexual subjugation in the realm of sexual fantasy does not erase outside-the-bedroom equality — unless, of course, one wants it to, but that, too, will be negotiated.
Let’s be honest: sex is not always the softly focused oxytocin bath that Cosmopolitan magazine spreads make it out to be. Sometimes sex is a romp on dirty sheets with a grabby guy who’s got terrible body odor and zero condoms.
But hey, bad sex is still sex. And if you are horny as we are at The Frisky, you’ll take the bull by the horns anyway because you know there’s a way to troubleshoot most any sexual snaffoo. I am not a sex therapist, but I am a woman who’s has wide variety of sex with a decent number of dudes and have encountered all these problems. (For more in-depth sexual troubleshooting, I recommend the kickass sex guide, Guide To Getting It On.)
After the jump, a thorough, honest (and heteronormative, cause I’m a straight lady who sleeps with dudes) guide to troubleshooting bad sex.