Opening the box,

and all eyes are on me;

I hope this present rocks.

Whatever could it be?

Maybe it’s a gorgeous ring,

maybe it’s a hundred bucks,

soon I realize I was wrong–

this present really sucks.

Faking it, faking it,

I faked my face of glee,

have no idea why anyone

would give this gift to me.

Oh! Faking it, faking it,

I really cannot guess

why my aunt would think I want “Gigli” on VHS…

Treat. Yo. Self. Yes, I had to go there. If you’re lucky enough to have access to gift certificates or funds for a massage or other spa service, do it. The healing power of human touch can’t be underestimated, and if you’re not in a relationship, it’s emotionally dicey (if not downright unwise) to get down with someone just for a little creature comfort, especially if your wounds are still fresh. However, if you can spring for it, a painful Swedish massage can help; plus, it’s totally normal to cry while someone squeezes your muscles like dough. If you can’t afford it, DIY. A hot bath full of Epsom salts is cheap as hell, and a little lavender oil in the water can do wonders. Straight essential oils can be bad news for sensitive skin, but sometimes I put it on my wrists, temples, and, yes, just inside my nostrils to relax. You can even steep some bags of chamomile tea in there with you. A heating pad is your friend, and back massagers really do massage backs.

Be prepared to tell the story of Hanukkah and/or lead a round of dreidel. There may come a point in the evening (actually, there definitely will) where someone asks you about your own traditions. Be prepared to regale them with the brief version of the story of the Temple in Jerusalem and the oil that miraculously burned for eight days. Alternatively, you can show your hosts how to play the lively game of dreidel, but only if it has gotten to that point in the evening where everyone has watched “A Christmas Story” at least three times.

#5 Throw a slumber party. Invite your nearest and dearest to show up in their jammies and spend the night playing board games, doing your nails and eating Totino’s pizza rolls. Make sure you have plenty of inflatable mattresses and extra pillows!