Posts tagged Hitched
You know how the worst kind of parent will be all, “Oh, you couldn’t possibly understand what it means to truly love another human being until you have a child of your own?” And you are all, Oh word, you’re right, I must be the emotionally crippled jerk here because I don’t go around conducting unsolicited evaluations of other people’s personal lives? And then you order another pitcher all to yourself just to rub in the fact that you and your emotionally stunted self are going to stay until bar closes just because you can?
In a couple of weeks, I’m going to be living it up in beautiful South Dakota. The occasion: my new grandma-in-law’s octogenarian birthday and combination family reunion. I hear there will be picnics and jet skis involved. I am petrified.
Read more about Andrea’s problem, and give her some advice in our comments section at our latest edition of Hitched: Help Me Platonically Charm The Pants Off My New In-Law Family
The amazing thing about life is how many complete assholes manage to find someone willing to put up with their bullshit and marry them. When I was a single person, the thing that crushed me the most when I was feeling lonely wasn’t that I thought I’d never find a spouse. It was that Donald Trump did. Three times. Ben Roethlisberger? Totally married. Michele Bachmann! Married to another asshole. Michael Vick? Just spent $300,000 on his wedding this weekend. The “Real Housewives“? They are, by definition, married. I always wonder why self-help books and matchmaker shows bother shaming perfectly nice people into becoming “marriage material” when so many complete shits of human beings didn’t change a thing about themselves and still found love.
Hitched: How To Get Married Without Being An A**hole - The Frisky
Whether you believe in the Man Jesus or the Flying Spaghetti Monster, it is a cruel supreme being, indeed, who would create women to be destined for lovey-dovey hearts-and-rainbows partnership, and create ramblin’ men only to burp and drink beer and stick their penises in the closest convenient hole.
Reality is, of course, more nuanced than that—but don’t tell the Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus crowd, because human nuance isn’t their strong suit. Why anyone would think it makes sense for women to “naturally” desire only one type of romantic relationship and to have men “naturally” desire the exact opposite of that (see: the Reluctant Groom), I don’t know.
People gush and gah over the question of “whether” or “if” single women — a group of humans who all think and dream and live alike, apparently — are doomed to a lifetime of emotional anguish and soul-splitting loneliness. They wring their hands in ostensible angst on behalf of the Poor, Benighted Single Lady and offer aid and succor to the ignorant, selfish lambs who don’t know any better than to not get married.
Hitched: Your Elaborately Planned Public Marriage Proposal Is Awkward For Everyone - The Frisky
“I wouldn’t call it an accident that, in the year before my own wedding, I watched several long-time friends tie their respective knots. Hell, I’m a 28-year-old middle-class white person. For people like me, there comes a summer in all of our lives when weekends are full of nuptials and related activities. Even if you’re not invited to them all, one’s Facebook feed alone can be a staggering play-by-play of the same party, held over and over and over again with slightly different hosts.
I’m thinking about all this because of a really thoughtful piece from Lyla Cicero’s Role/Reboot wherein she wonders of her own wedding-amongst-weddings, “Was I basking in the glow of doing the popular thing, rather than in the glow of marriage itself?”
It’s a question that every couple should ask themselves — and ultimately one that I had to ask myself, too. Am I getting married — or do I want to get married—because my friends seem to have a great time doing it, themselves?”
I had a drunk thought, on that patio back in Hawaii, about how great it would be if you could “marry” your friends. If, after you’d been “with” your best friends for a long time, you could actually get them legally recognized as your family members. It’d be great for all kinds of reasons — hospital visits and legal issues of course — not least the fact that other people in the world would be obligated to see you as a family unit. I know people like to believe they don’t care what others think — but for real, being in a legally recognized partnership does actual feel different, and have different consequences, than just being really, really partnered with someone. (via Hitched: Let’s All Get Married! All Of Us! - The Frisky)
Hitched: I’m A Married Motherf**ker! - The Frisky
Last night, my husband (!) Patrick and I were having Hawaiian martinis at Roy’s Waikoloa Bar & Grill (which is to Hawaii the way Chili’s is to Texas) when he asked me, Was it all worth it? Was all the stress and the arguing and the pressure worth it, to have a wedding instead of sneaking down to the courthouse or eloping to Las Vegas?
I had my answer ready, because I’d been thinking on it since we drove back to our hotel in a pick-up truck covered in dicks on Saturday night. My answer was: yes. All of the bullshit and the pressure and the stress was completely worth the experience of being married in front of all of our closest family and friends.
I felt strong and beautiful and happy and supported, in that pick-up truck covered in dicks. I felt blissed and blessed, in that pick-up truck covered in dicks. I felt like the exact thing that I’d wanted to happen had happened. The whole reason I’d consented to a capital-W Wedding in the first place was that I knew I needed other people to affirmatively answer the question, “Hey! Did you guys hear that?” about the fact that I’d met a man I loved and that I wanted to share my life with. I told myself I would do a Wedding because doing a Wedding would make my commitment to Patrick and our existence as “Patrick and Andrea” in the world more solidified and more real. And that shit actually happened, ya’ll.
“Hanging out with people who don’t care about your wedding is a wonderful thing. Maybe for you that’s parking it at the bar and shooting the shit with your favorite bartender. Or making sure not to miss your rec-league softball game. When I went and got a manicure this week, I made sure not to wear my engagement ring because holy God, I did not even want “weddings” to be anywhere near a point of conversation while the nice lady drilled away at my cuticles.
Whoever they are, people who don’t want to see 10 photos of your dress or hear about your super-clever guestbook idea may be the best kind of people to spend time with right now. I’m about to spend an entire weekend with people who love and adore me and who want the best for me and because of that, they want me to have the happiest wedding ever. Which is wonderful. But also exhausting. So it’s nice to not have to perform “bride” for a few moments.”
